Why So Serious?

I have been asked questions like often, so I decided I should give some explanation.
"Why are you so serious, why don't you smile, why are you so cynical?"

Well, I guess I'm going to offer up some pictures of my mothers house hold,
and that may give you an idea of her mental health. And I'll also offer some
small facts about my life.

I pay for:
My phone bill, and I bought my phone.
All of my own clothes and cosmetics.
A lot of my own food.
Any perks I desire, even the $500.00+ something
dollars for drivers ED. And I will have to get a car on
my own.

So I'm making my own way, for the most part.
This is a little stressful because the only job I can
get is the pet store within walking distance.
No job equals, no phone, no new clothes, no shampoo even.
And I could loose this job at any moment, with today's economy.
And without this job I cant get a care to open the door to more jobs.
Its also hard to save money when you feed yourself.

All of my friends are going to college next fall, and I cant even afford the
application fee.

My mother goes on vacation to either Vegas or Paris every summer,
but when I need lunch money she claims she doesn't have it.
Whenever I need something, a hair cut, new shoes-
"I don't have the money, your father never gives me any."
She still blames things on my dad, whom she has been divorced from
since I was four years old.
She had cancer when I was twelve, and with all the drugs shes taking
because of it, and antidepressants, I believe she lives in her own little world.

My stepfather: despises me. We don't make eye contact, we don't speak,
and he is irritated by my very existence. Even when alone in the same room together,
we pretend the other isn't their.

My Father: Its a felon. Dates girls less than ten years older than myself, and he's 52.
I have a half-sister on his part whom is 21 and he dated a girl 24.
I cant go into detail about other things, because its inappropriate.


I've never been on a vacation, or out of my state. Everyone I know is going
to Panama or Mexico for spring break. So they ask "Where are you going for
spring break, Noel?" And I say: "I have never been on a vacation, and can not
imagine myself going somewhere." And everyone stares at me in disbelief.
"What? Never? You have to have been somewhere."
No. Really, I've lived in the same two mile radius my entire life and haven't moved.

I'm so stressed about my future, I get bleeding ulcers in my stomach.


Theirs more I'd like to write, but I'm getting tired. So maybe later.